Below are four (4) questions and a bonus question. You have to answer them instantly. You can't take your time, answer all of them immediately.
OK?
Let's find out just how clever you really are.
Ready? GO!!! (scroll down)
First Question:
You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?
Answer: If you answered that you are first, then you are absolutely wrong! If you overtake the second person and you take his place, you are second!
Try not to screw up in the next question.
To answer the second question, don't take as much time as you took for the first question.
Second Question:
If you overtake the last person, then you are...?
Answer: If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST Person?
You're not very good at this! Are you?
Third Question:
Very tricky math! Note: This must be done in your head only. Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.
Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000. Now add 30. Add another 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000 Now add 10. What is the total?
Scroll down for answer.
Did you get 5000?
The correct answer is actually 4100.
Don't believe it? Check with your calculator! Today is definitely not your day. Maybe you will get the last question right?
Fourth Question:
Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono.
What is the name of the fifth daughter?
Answer: Nunu?
NO! Of course not.
Her name is Mary. Read the question again
Okay, now the bonus round:
There is a mute person who wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing one's teeth he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done.
Now if there is a blind man who wishes to buy a pair of sunglasses, how should he express himself?
He just has to open his mouth and ask, so simple.
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
And one from Les Dawson...
It was the happiest day of my life.
I arrived at the church...
wife waiting at the altar...
walked up the aisle...
kissed her on the cheek...
smiled...
closed the lid
I arrived at the church...
wife waiting at the altar...
walked up the aisle...
kissed her on the cheek...
smiled...
closed the lid
The Tunnel
Sitting together on a train, traveling through the Canadian Rockies, were an American guy, a Canadian guy, a little old Greek lady, and a young blonde girl with large breasts.
The Train travels into a dark tunnel and a few seconds later there is the sound of a loud slap.
When the train emerges from the tunnel, the American has a bright red hand print on his cheek.
No one speaks...
The old Greek lady thinks: The American guy must have groped the blonde in the dark and she slapped his cheek.
The blonde girl thinks: That American guy must have tried to grope me in the dark, but missed and fondled the old lady and she slapped his cheek.
The American thinks: The Canadian guy must have groped the blonde in the dark. She tried to slap him but missed and got me instead.
The Canadian thinks: I can't wait for another tunnel, just so I can smack the American again.
The Train travels into a dark tunnel and a few seconds later there is the sound of a loud slap.
When the train emerges from the tunnel, the American has a bright red hand print on his cheek.
No one speaks...
The old Greek lady thinks: The American guy must have groped the blonde in the dark and she slapped his cheek.
The blonde girl thinks: That American guy must have tried to grope me in the dark, but missed and fondled the old lady and she slapped his cheek.
The American thinks: The Canadian guy must have groped the blonde in the dark. She tried to slap him but missed and got me instead.
The Canadian thinks: I can't wait for another tunnel, just so I can smack the American again.
Sunday, March 19, 2006
MENS' RULES FOR WOMEN
MENS' RULES FOR WOMEN
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us whinging about you leaving it down.
2. Birthdays, St Valentine's, and Anniversaries are special days. They are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!
3. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar and remind us frequently.
4. Saturday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Leave it alone.
5. Shopping is NOT a leisure activity, and no, we are never going to think of it that way.
6. Never ask me to purchase feminine products. Assume that I will come home with the wrong thing.
7. I go clothes shopping to buy … never to look.
8. You have more than enough clothes and too many shoes.
9. When we have to go out, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Honestly.
10. Just tell me what you want me to wear before I get dressed and remember that this takes me less than ten minutes no matter what the occasion is. After all, I am getting dressed, not getting ready.
11. Don't ask me if I prefer one outfit over another or if you should wear this, that or the other accessory. This is a no win situation and I would rather just wait for you to get dressed while I watch the telly.
12. Crying is blackmail.
13. Most fellas own three pairs of shoes and the same number of tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair of shoes, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
14. 'Yes' and 'No' are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
15. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your friends are for.
16. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
17. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
18. If something we said can be interpreted in two, or more, ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we obviously meant the other one.
19. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. You can't do both. If you already know best how to do it, you're better off doing it yourself.
20. I'm sorry but the relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get used to it.
21. Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
22. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
23. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer that question anymore.
24. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing', we will assume nothing's wrong.
25. Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, football and sex.
26. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
27. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. ;-) We have no idea what mauve is.
28. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
29. We always look at breasts. It's genetic. That's what they're for.
30. I'm in shape - Round IS a shape.
31. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
32. When watching TV hugging is always fine because I can still see the screen. Kissing should only be done during timeouts and commercials. Questions should also be limited to this period as you stand a much better chance of getting an immediate, and acceptable, response.
33. When we are watching your show and I change the channels during a commercial, do not hassle me that the commercials have probably finished, and to change the channel back. I always know when the timing is right. Furthermore, when we are channel surfing do not ask me to go back to a channel I've skipped. There was a good reason why I skipped it.
34. Yelling to me across the house sounds exactly like stadium crowd background noise to me. I am not ignoring you.
35. If you need help with the laundry, I am more than willing to carry it from the bedroom to the washer. In my mind this is half the chore and I am now free to return to the couch.
36. If I mention that a mate of mine is allowed to do something it is not necessary for you to call his wife/girlfriend to discuss it.
37. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know … I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that. It's like camping.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us whinging about you leaving it down.
2. Birthdays, St Valentine's, and Anniversaries are special days. They are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!
3. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar and remind us frequently.
4. Saturday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Leave it alone.
5. Shopping is NOT a leisure activity, and no, we are never going to think of it that way.
6. Never ask me to purchase feminine products. Assume that I will come home with the wrong thing.
7. I go clothes shopping to buy … never to look.
8. You have more than enough clothes and too many shoes.
9. When we have to go out, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Honestly.
10. Just tell me what you want me to wear before I get dressed and remember that this takes me less than ten minutes no matter what the occasion is. After all, I am getting dressed, not getting ready.
11. Don't ask me if I prefer one outfit over another or if you should wear this, that or the other accessory. This is a no win situation and I would rather just wait for you to get dressed while I watch the telly.
12. Crying is blackmail.
13. Most fellas own three pairs of shoes and the same number of tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair of shoes, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
14. 'Yes' and 'No' are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
15. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your friends are for.
16. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
17. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
18. If something we said can be interpreted in two, or more, ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we obviously meant the other one.
19. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. You can't do both. If you already know best how to do it, you're better off doing it yourself.
20. I'm sorry but the relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get used to it.
21. Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
22. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
23. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer that question anymore.
24. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing', we will assume nothing's wrong.
25. Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, football and sex.
26. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
27. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. ;-) We have no idea what mauve is.
28. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
29. We always look at breasts. It's genetic. That's what they're for.
30. I'm in shape - Round IS a shape.
31. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
32. When watching TV hugging is always fine because I can still see the screen. Kissing should only be done during timeouts and commercials. Questions should also be limited to this period as you stand a much better chance of getting an immediate, and acceptable, response.
33. When we are watching your show and I change the channels during a commercial, do not hassle me that the commercials have probably finished, and to change the channel back. I always know when the timing is right. Furthermore, when we are channel surfing do not ask me to go back to a channel I've skipped. There was a good reason why I skipped it.
34. Yelling to me across the house sounds exactly like stadium crowd background noise to me. I am not ignoring you.
35. If you need help with the laundry, I am more than willing to carry it from the bedroom to the washer. In my mind this is half the chore and I am now free to return to the couch.
36. If I mention that a mate of mine is allowed to do something it is not necessary for you to call his wife/girlfriend to discuss it.
37. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know … I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that. It's like camping.
Monday, March 13, 2006
Dog's Life
A guy is driving around Tennessee and he sees a sign in front of a house:
"Talking Dog For Sale."
He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a Labrador retriever sitting there.
"You talk?" he asks.
"Yep," the Lab replies.
"So, what's your story?"
The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog
would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running."
"But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch
of medals."
"I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
"Ten dollars," the guy says.
"Ten dollars? This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"
"Because he's a liar. He never did any of that shit."
"Talking Dog For Sale."
He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a Labrador retriever sitting there.
"You talk?" he asks.
"Yep," the Lab replies.
"So, what's your story?"
The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog
would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running."
"But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch
of medals."
"I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
"Ten dollars," the guy says.
"Ten dollars? This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"
"Because he's a liar. He never did any of that shit."
Thursday, March 09, 2006
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