Not for the easily offended!
http://www.jesusismagicthemovie.com/soundboard/
Monday, December 19, 2005
Monday, December 12, 2005
A Teacher's nightmare
A class of primary children started a class project to make a plant pot to take home. The teacher wanted to have a plant in it that was easy to take care of, so it was decided to use cactus plants. The children were given greenware pottery in the style of a clown plant pot. They painted them with glaze and had them professionally fired at a class outing so they could see the process.
It was great fun. They planted the cactus seeds in the finished planters and they grew nicely. Unfortunately, however, they were not allowed to take them home. The cactus plants were removed, replaced with a small ivy plant, and the children were then allowed to take them home. The teacher said cactus “seemed like a good idea at the time”...
It was great fun. They planted the cactus seeds in the finished planters and they grew nicely. Unfortunately, however, they were not allowed to take them home. The cactus plants were removed, replaced with a small ivy plant, and the children were then allowed to take them home. The teacher said cactus “seemed like a good idea at the time”...
Poor Ken!
A dad is on his way home a bit late from the office when he realizes that it's his daughter's birthday and he has not bought her a gift, so he stops at a toy store to buy his daughter a Barbie. Inside he sees a Barbie display and asks the salesgirl how much the Barbies are.
The girl responds: "Which one? We have:
Gymnasium Barbie: £19.95
Volleyball Barbie: £19.95
Shopping Barbie: £19.95
Surfer Barbie: £19.95
Disco Barbie: £19.95
and Divorced Barbie: £299.99
Shocked, the man asks, "why is Divorced Barbie £299.95 when all the other Barbies are £19.95?"
Exasperated, the girl responds: "Sir, Divorced Barbie comes with:
Ken's car
Ken's house
Ken's boat
Ken's furniture
Ken's jewellery
Ken's money
Ken's computer, and
Ken's best friend...
The girl responds: "Which one? We have:
Gymnasium Barbie: £19.95
Volleyball Barbie: £19.95
Shopping Barbie: £19.95
Surfer Barbie: £19.95
Disco Barbie: £19.95
and Divorced Barbie: £299.99
Shocked, the man asks, "why is Divorced Barbie £299.95 when all the other Barbies are £19.95?"
Exasperated, the girl responds: "Sir, Divorced Barbie comes with:
Ken's car
Ken's house
Ken's boat
Ken's furniture
Ken's jewellery
Ken's money
Ken's computer, and
Ken's best friend...
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
Aussie beer
The general Managers of Cascade Brewery (Tasmania),Tooheys (New South Wales), XXXX (Queensland), Carlton (Victoria) .... were at an international beer conference. They decide to all go to lunch together and the waitress asks what they want to drink.
The president of Tooheys says without hesitation "I'll have a Tooheys New."
The president of Cascade smiles and says "I'll have a Cascade Draught, brewed from pure mountain water!"
The Carlton president proudly says "I'll have a Carlton, the King of Beers!"
The bloke from XXXX glances at his lunch mates and says, "I'll have a diet coke."
The others look at him like he has sprouted a new head. He just shrugs and says, "Well if you blokes aren't drinking beer, then neither will I."
They say there are only two states to be in, Pissed & Queensland
The president of Tooheys says without hesitation "I'll have a Tooheys New."
The president of Cascade smiles and says "I'll have a Cascade Draught, brewed from pure mountain water!"
The Carlton president proudly says "I'll have a Carlton, the King of Beers!"
The bloke from XXXX glances at his lunch mates and says, "I'll have a diet coke."
The others look at him like he has sprouted a new head. He just shrugs and says, "Well if you blokes aren't drinking beer, then neither will I."
They say there are only two states to be in, Pissed & Queensland
Monday, October 31, 2005
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
Spooky Facts
Yep it's another of those "How do they find the time to dig this stuff up"!
"11" has become to be a very interesting number. It could be a forced coincidence, but in any case this is interesting. You decide for yourself:
1) New York City has 11 letters.
2) Afghanistan has 11 letters.
3) Ramsin Yuseb (The terrorist who threatened the Twin Towers in1993) has 11
letters.
4) George W. Bush has 11 letters.
This could be a mere coincidence... (Could it be?) . Now here is what is interesting...
1) New York is the State # 11
2) The first plane crushing against the Twin Towers was flight #11.
3) Flight # 11 was carrying 92 passengers Adding this number gives 9+2=11.
4) Flight # 77 who also hit the towers, was carrying 65 passengers. Adding this: 6+5=11.
5) The tragedy was on September 11, or 9/11. Adding this: 9+1+1=11
6) The date is equal to the emergency number 911. Adding this: 9+1+1=11
Now we have a very upsetting piece..
1) The total number of victims inside the planes are 254: 2+5+4=11
2) The day September 11 is day number 254 of the calendar year: 2+5+4=11
3) After September 11, there are 111 days more to the end of the year.
4) The tragedy of 3/11/2004 in Madrid also adds to: 3+1+1+2+4=11.
5) The tragedy in Madrid happened 911 days after the tragedy of the Twin Towers.
Spooky!! Read on.....! This is really eerie . This is something to think about!
Since America is typically represented by an Eagle. Saddam and Bin Laden should have read up on their Muslim passages... The following verse is from the Quran, (the Islamic Bible).
Quran (9:11) -- For it is written that a son of Arabia would awaken a
fearsome Eagle. The wrath of the Eagle would be felt throughout he lands of
Allah and lo, while some of the people trembled in despair still more
rejoiced; for the wrath of the Eagle cleansed the lands of Allah;
and there
was peace.
Note the verse number!!!!!
And finally...
1. Open up a blank Word document.
2. Type in Q33 NY in capitals. (This is the flight number of the 1st plane
to hit the World Trade Center *gate Q33 @ NY (new york)
3. Highlight the Q33 NY
4. Change the font size to 48.
5. Change the actual font to wingdings
6. Hey presto!
"11" has become to be a very interesting number. It could be a forced coincidence, but in any case this is interesting. You decide for yourself:
1) New York City has 11 letters.
2) Afghanistan has 11 letters.
3) Ramsin Yuseb (The terrorist who threatened the Twin Towers in1993) has 11
letters.
4) George W. Bush has 11 letters.
This could be a mere coincidence... (Could it be?) . Now here is what is interesting...
1) New York is the State # 11
2) The first plane crushing against the Twin Towers was flight #11.
3) Flight # 11 was carrying 92 passengers Adding this number gives 9+2=11.
4) Flight # 77 who also hit the towers, was carrying 65 passengers. Adding this: 6+5=11.
5) The tragedy was on September 11, or 9/11. Adding this: 9+1+1=11
6) The date is equal to the emergency number 911. Adding this: 9+1+1=11
Now we have a very upsetting piece..
1) The total number of victims inside the planes are 254: 2+5+4=11
2) The day September 11 is day number 254 of the calendar year: 2+5+4=11
3) After September 11, there are 111 days more to the end of the year.
4) The tragedy of 3/11/2004 in Madrid also adds to: 3+1+1+2+4=11.
5) The tragedy in Madrid happened 911 days after the tragedy of the Twin Towers.
Spooky!! Read on.....! This is really eerie . This is something to think about!
Since America is typically represented by an Eagle. Saddam and Bin Laden should have read up on their Muslim passages... The following verse is from the Quran, (the Islamic Bible).
Quran (9:11) -- For it is written that a son of Arabia would awaken a
fearsome Eagle. The wrath of the Eagle would be felt throughout he lands of
Allah and lo, while some of the people trembled in despair still more
rejoiced; for the wrath of the Eagle cleansed the lands of Allah;
and there
was peace.
Note the verse number!!!!!
And finally...
1. Open up a blank Word document.
2. Type in Q33 NY in capitals. (This is the flight number of the 1st plane
to hit the World Trade Center *gate Q33 @ NY (new york)
3. Highlight the Q33 NY
4. Change the font size to 48.
5. Change the actual font to wingdings
6. Hey presto!
Wednesday, September 28, 2005
Tuesday, September 27, 2005
Tax Systems
Tax cuts - How they really work
Sometimes Politicians can exclaim; "It's just a tax cut for the rich!",
and it is just accepted to be fact. But what does that really mean?
Just in case you are not completely clear on this issue,
we hope the following will help.
Please share this with your friends as you see fit. Tax Cuts -
A Simple Lesson In Economics This is how the cookie crumbles.
Please read it carefully.
Let's put tax cuts in terms everyone can understand.
Suppose that every day, ten men go out for dinner.
The bill for all ten comes to $100.
If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes,
it would go something like this:
The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing.
The fifth would pay $1.
The sixth would pay $3.
The seventh $7.
The eighth $12.
The ninth $18.
The tenth man (the richest) would pay $59.
So, that's what they decided to do.
The ten men ate dinner in the restaurant every day and seemed
quite happy with the arrangement, until one day,
the owner threw them a curve. "Since you are all such good customers," he
said, "I'm going to reduce the cost of your daily meal by $20."
So, now dinner for the ten only cost $80.
The group still wanted to pay their bill the way we pay our taxes.
So, the first four men were unaffected. They would still eat for free.
But what about the other six, the paying customers?
How could they divvy up the $20 windfall so that everyone would get
his fair share? The six men realized that $20 divided by six is $3.33.
But if they subtracted that from everybody's share, then the fifth man
and the sixth man would each end up being 'PAID' to eat their meal.
So, the restaurant owner suggested that it would be fair to reduce
each man's bill by roughly the same proportion, and he proceeded
to work out the amounts each should pay.
And so:
The fifth man, like the first four, now paid nothing (100% savings).
The sixth now paid $2 instead of $3 (33% savings).
The seventh now paid $5 instead of $7 (28% savings).
The eighth now paid $9 instead of $12 (25% savings).
The ninth now paid $14 instead of $18 (22% savings).
The tenth now paid $49 instead of $59 (16% savings).
Each of the six was better off than before.
And the first four continued to eat for free.
But once outside the restaurant, the men began to compare their savings.
"I only got a dollar out of the $20," declared the sixth man.
He pointed to the tenth man "but he got $10!" "Yeah, that's right,"
exclaimed the fifth man. "I only saved a dollar, too.
It's unfair that he got ten times more than me!"
"That's true!!" shouted the seventh man. "Why should he get $10 back when
I got only $2? The wealthy get all the breaks!" "Wait a minute," yelled
the first four men in unison. "We didn't get anything at all.
The system exploits the poor!"
The nine men surrounded the tenth and beat him up.
The next night the tenth man didn't show up for dinner,
so the nine sat down and ate without him.
But when it came time to pay the bill,
they discovered something important. They didn't have enough money
amongst them for even half of the bill!
And that, boys and girls, journalists and college professors,
is how our tax system works. The people who pay the highest taxes
get the most benefit from a tax reduction. Tax them too much,
attack them for being wealthy, and they just may not show up
at the table anymore. There are lots of good restaurants
in Europe and the Caribbean.
David R. Kamerschen, Ph.D
Distinguished Professor of Economics
536 Brooks Hall
University of Georgia
Sometimes Politicians can exclaim; "It's just a tax cut for the rich!",
and it is just accepted to be fact. But what does that really mean?
Just in case you are not completely clear on this issue,
we hope the following will help.
Please share this with your friends as you see fit. Tax Cuts -
A Simple Lesson In Economics This is how the cookie crumbles.
Please read it carefully.
Let's put tax cuts in terms everyone can understand.
Suppose that every day, ten men go out for dinner.
The bill for all ten comes to $100.
If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes,
it would go something like this:
The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing.
The fifth would pay $1.
The sixth would pay $3.
The seventh $7.
The eighth $12.
The ninth $18.
The tenth man (the richest) would pay $59.
So, that's what they decided to do.
The ten men ate dinner in the restaurant every day and seemed
quite happy with the arrangement, until one day,
the owner threw them a curve. "Since you are all such good customers," he
said, "I'm going to reduce the cost of your daily meal by $20."
So, now dinner for the ten only cost $80.
The group still wanted to pay their bill the way we pay our taxes.
So, the first four men were unaffected. They would still eat for free.
But what about the other six, the paying customers?
How could they divvy up the $20 windfall so that everyone would get
his fair share? The six men realized that $20 divided by six is $3.33.
But if they subtracted that from everybody's share, then the fifth man
and the sixth man would each end up being 'PAID' to eat their meal.
So, the restaurant owner suggested that it would be fair to reduce
each man's bill by roughly the same proportion, and he proceeded
to work out the amounts each should pay.
And so:
The fifth man, like the first four, now paid nothing (100% savings).
The sixth now paid $2 instead of $3 (33% savings).
The seventh now paid $5 instead of $7 (28% savings).
The eighth now paid $9 instead of $12 (25% savings).
The ninth now paid $14 instead of $18 (22% savings).
The tenth now paid $49 instead of $59 (16% savings).
Each of the six was better off than before.
And the first four continued to eat for free.
But once outside the restaurant, the men began to compare their savings.
"I only got a dollar out of the $20," declared the sixth man.
He pointed to the tenth man "but he got $10!" "Yeah, that's right,"
exclaimed the fifth man. "I only saved a dollar, too.
It's unfair that he got ten times more than me!"
"That's true!!" shouted the seventh man. "Why should he get $10 back when
I got only $2? The wealthy get all the breaks!" "Wait a minute," yelled
the first four men in unison. "We didn't get anything at all.
The system exploits the poor!"
The nine men surrounded the tenth and beat him up.
The next night the tenth man didn't show up for dinner,
so the nine sat down and ate without him.
But when it came time to pay the bill,
they discovered something important. They didn't have enough money
amongst them for even half of the bill!
And that, boys and girls, journalists and college professors,
is how our tax system works. The people who pay the highest taxes
get the most benefit from a tax reduction. Tax them too much,
attack them for being wealthy, and they just may not show up
at the table anymore. There are lots of good restaurants
in Europe and the Caribbean.
David R. Kamerschen, Ph.D
Distinguished Professor of Economics
536 Brooks Hall
University of Georgia
International Monetary Fun
BATON ROUGE, LA. - The White House announced today that President Bush has successfully sold the state of Louisiana back to the French at more than double its original selling price of $11,250,000. "This is a bold step forward for America," said Bush. "And America will be stronger and better as a result. I stand here today in unity with French Prime Minister Jack Chiraq, who was so kind as to accept my offer of Louisiana in exchange for 25 million dollars cash."
The state, ravaged by Hurricanes Katrina and Rita, will cost hundreds of billions of dollars to rebuild. "Jack understands full well that this one's a 'fixer-upper,'" said Bush. "He and the French people are quite prepared to pump out all that water, and make Louisiana a decent place to live in again. And they've got a lot of work to do. But Jack's assured me, if it's not right, they're going to fix it."
The move has been met with incredulity from the already beleaguered residents of Louisiana. However, President Bush's decision has been widely lauded by Republicans. "This is an unexpected but brilliant move by the President," said Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist. "Instead of spending billions and billions, and billions of dollars rebuilding the state of Louisiana, we've just made 25 million dollars in pure profit."
"This is indeed a smart move," commented Fox News analyst Brit Hume. "Not only have we stopped the flooding in our own budget, we've made money on the deal. Plus, when the god-awful French are done fixing it up, we can easily invade and take it back again."
The money gained from 'The Louisiana Refund' is expected to be immediately pumped back into the rebuilding of Iraq.
Thursday, September 22, 2005
A MORAL QUESTION
This test only has one question, but it's a very important one. By
giving an honest answer, you will discover where you stand
morally. The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation
in which you will have to make a decision.
Remember that your answer needs to be honest, yet
spontaneous. Please scroll down slowly and give due consideration to
each line.
===============================================
THE SITUATION
You are in Florida, Miami to be specific. There is chaos all around you
caused by a hurricane with severe flooding. This is a flood of biblical
proportions. You are a photojournalist working for a major newspaper,
and you're caught in the middle of this epic disaster.
The situation is nearly hopeless. You're trying to shoot
career-making photos. There are houses and people swirling
around you, some disappearing under the water.
Nature is unleashing all of its destructive fury.
===============================================
THE TEST
Suddenly you see a man in the water. He is fighting for
his life, trying not to be taken down with the debris. You
move closer. Somehow the man looks familiar. You suddenly realize who
it is. It's George W. Bush!
At the same time you notice that the raging waters are
about to take him under forever. You have two options--you
can save the life of GeorgeW.Bush, or you can shoot a dramatic
Pulitzer Prize-winning photo, documenting the death of one of the
world's most powerful politicians.
===============================================
THE QUESTION
Here's the question, and please give an honest answer:
Would you select high contrast color film, or would you go with the
classic simplicity of black and white?
giving an honest answer, you will discover where you stand
morally. The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation
in which you will have to make a decision.
Remember that your answer needs to be honest, yet
spontaneous. Please scroll down slowly and give due consideration to
each line.
===============================================
THE SITUATION
You are in Florida, Miami to be specific. There is chaos all around you
caused by a hurricane with severe flooding. This is a flood of biblical
proportions. You are a photojournalist working for a major newspaper,
and you're caught in the middle of this epic disaster.
The situation is nearly hopeless. You're trying to shoot
career-making photos. There are houses and people swirling
around you, some disappearing under the water.
Nature is unleashing all of its destructive fury.
===============================================
THE TEST
Suddenly you see a man in the water. He is fighting for
his life, trying not to be taken down with the debris. You
move closer. Somehow the man looks familiar. You suddenly realize who
it is. It's George W. Bush!
At the same time you notice that the raging waters are
about to take him under forever. You have two options--you
can save the life of GeorgeW.Bush, or you can shoot a dramatic
Pulitzer Prize-winning photo, documenting the death of one of the
world's most powerful politicians.
===============================================
THE QUESTION
Here's the question, and please give an honest answer:
Would you select high contrast color film, or would you go with the
classic simplicity of black and white?
Tuesday, August 30, 2005
How Smart is Your Foot?
How Smart Is Your Right Foot?
This is so funny that it will boggle your mind. And you will keep
trying it at least 50 more times to see if you can outsmart your foot.
But you can't!!!
1. While sitting at your desk, lift your right foot off the floor and
make clockwise circles with it.
2. Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your right hand.
Your foot will change direction!!!
I told you so... And there is nothing you can do about it.
Make sure you pass this on to your friends.. They won't be able to
believe it either!!!
This is so funny that it will boggle your mind. And you will keep
trying it at least 50 more times to see if you can outsmart your foot.
But you can't!!!
1. While sitting at your desk, lift your right foot off the floor and
make clockwise circles with it.
2. Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your right hand.
Your foot will change direction!!!
I told you so... And there is nothing you can do about it.
Make sure you pass this on to your friends.. They won't be able to
believe it either!!!
Cricket Sledgings / One Liners
"Bowl him a piano, see if he can play that!".....
The Greatest Cricketing sledges of all time..........
To get you in the mood for the last match for the Ashes....
1. Rod Marsh & Ian Botham: When Botham took guard in an Ashes
match,Marsh welcomed him to the wicket with the immortal words: "So
how's your wife & my kids?"
2. Daryll Cullinan & Shane Warne:As Cullinan was on his way to
the wicket, Warne told him he had Been waiting 2 years for another chance
to humiliate him. "Looks like you spent it eating," Cullinan retorted.
3. Glenn McGrath (bowling to portly Zimbabwean chicken farmer
Eddo Brandes): "Hey Eddo, why are you so F**ing Fat?" Eddo Brandes:
"Because everytime I F*** your mother, she throws me a biscuit"
4. Robin Smith & Merv Hughes:During 1989 Lords Test Hughes said
to Smith after he played & missed:"You can't f**king bat". Smith to Hughes
after he smacked him to the boundary: "Hey Merv, we make a fine pair. I can't
f**king bat & you can't f**king bowl."
5. Merv Hughes & Javed Miandad:During 1991 Adelaide Test, Javed
called Merv a fat bus conductor. A few balls later Merv dismissed Javed:
"Tickets please", Merv called out as he ran past the departing batsman.
6. Merv Hughes & Viv Richards: During a test match in the West
Indies, Hughes didn't say a word to Viv, but continued to stare at
him after deliveries. "This is my island, my culture. Don't you be
staring at me. In my culture we just bowl." Merv didn't reply, but after he dismissed
him he announced to the batsman: "In my culture we just say f**k off."
7. And of course you can't forget Ian Healy's legendary comment
which was picked up by the Channel 9 microphones when Arjuna Ranatunga called
for a runner on a particularly hot night during a one dayer in Sydney...
"You don't get a runner for being an overweight, unfit, fat c**t!!!"
8. James Ormond had just come out to bat on an ashes tour and
was greeted by Mark Waugh....... MW : "F*ck me, look who it is. Mate, what are
you doing out here, there's no way you're good enough to play for
England"
JO : "Maybe not, but at least i'm the best player in my family"
9. McGrath to Ramnaresh Sarwan: "So what does Brian Lara's d*ck
taste like?"
Sarwan: "I don't know. Ask your wife." McGrath (losing it): "If
you ever F*&king mention my wife again, I'll F*ing rip your F*fing throat
out."
10. Mark Waugh standing at second slip, the new player (Adam
Parore) comes to the crease playing & missing the first ball. Mark - "Ohh, I
remember you from a couple years ago in Australia. You were sh*t
then, you're fu*king useless now". Parore- (Turning around) "Yeah,
that's me & when I was there you were going out with that old, ugly sl*t & now I
hear You've married her. You dumb c*nt".
11. Yet another Australian witticism with this time porky Sri
Lankan batsman Arjuna Ranatunga the victim. Shane Warne, trying to tempt the
batsman out of his crease mused what it took to get the plump
character to get out of his crease and drive. Wicketkeeper Ian Healy piped up, "Put a Mars
Bar on a good length. That should do it."
12. Ravi shastri v/s the aussie 12th man (don't remember who,
and don't want to slander anyone ) shastri hits it to this guy and looks for a
single...this guy gets the ball in and says "if you leave the crease
i'll break your f***ing head" Shastri: "if you could bat as well as you
can talk you wouldn't be the f***ing 12th man"
13. Malcolm Marshall was bowling to David Boon who had played
and missed a couple of times. Marshall : "Now David, Are you going to get out
now or am I going to have to bowl around the wicket and kill you?"
14. Fred Trueman bowling. The batsman edges and the ball goes
to first slip,and right between Raman Subba Row's legs. Fred doesn't say a
word.
At the end of the over, Row ambles past Trueman and apologises
sheepishly.
"I should've kept my legs together, Fred". "So should your mother" he
replied.
The Greatest Cricketing sledges of all time..........
To get you in the mood for the last match for the Ashes....
1. Rod Marsh & Ian Botham: When Botham took guard in an Ashes
match,Marsh welcomed him to the wicket with the immortal words: "So
how's your wife & my kids?"
2. Daryll Cullinan & Shane Warne:As Cullinan was on his way to
the wicket, Warne told him he had Been waiting 2 years for another chance
to humiliate him. "Looks like you spent it eating," Cullinan retorted.
3. Glenn McGrath (bowling to portly Zimbabwean chicken farmer
Eddo Brandes): "Hey Eddo, why are you so F**ing Fat?" Eddo Brandes:
"Because everytime I F*** your mother, she throws me a biscuit"
4. Robin Smith & Merv Hughes:During 1989 Lords Test Hughes said
to Smith after he played & missed:"You can't f**king bat". Smith to Hughes
after he smacked him to the boundary: "Hey Merv, we make a fine pair. I can't
f**king bat & you can't f**king bowl."
5. Merv Hughes & Javed Miandad:During 1991 Adelaide Test, Javed
called Merv a fat bus conductor. A few balls later Merv dismissed Javed:
"Tickets please", Merv called out as he ran past the departing batsman.
6. Merv Hughes & Viv Richards: During a test match in the West
Indies, Hughes didn't say a word to Viv, but continued to stare at
him after deliveries. "This is my island, my culture. Don't you be
staring at me. In my culture we just bowl." Merv didn't reply, but after he dismissed
him he announced to the batsman: "In my culture we just say f**k off."
7. And of course you can't forget Ian Healy's legendary comment
which was picked up by the Channel 9 microphones when Arjuna Ranatunga called
for a runner on a particularly hot night during a one dayer in Sydney...
"You don't get a runner for being an overweight, unfit, fat c**t!!!"
8. James Ormond had just come out to bat on an ashes tour and
was greeted by Mark Waugh....... MW : "F*ck me, look who it is. Mate, what are
you doing out here, there's no way you're good enough to play for
England"
JO : "Maybe not, but at least i'm the best player in my family"
9. McGrath to Ramnaresh Sarwan: "So what does Brian Lara's d*ck
taste like?"
Sarwan: "I don't know. Ask your wife." McGrath (losing it): "If
you ever F*&king mention my wife again, I'll F*ing rip your F*fing throat
out."
10. Mark Waugh standing at second slip, the new player (Adam
Parore) comes to the crease playing & missing the first ball. Mark - "Ohh, I
remember you from a couple years ago in Australia. You were sh*t
then, you're fu*king useless now". Parore- (Turning around) "Yeah,
that's me & when I was there you were going out with that old, ugly sl*t & now I
hear You've married her. You dumb c*nt".
11. Yet another Australian witticism with this time porky Sri
Lankan batsman Arjuna Ranatunga the victim. Shane Warne, trying to tempt the
batsman out of his crease mused what it took to get the plump
character to get out of his crease and drive. Wicketkeeper Ian Healy piped up, "Put a Mars
Bar on a good length. That should do it."
12. Ravi shastri v/s the aussie 12th man (don't remember who,
and don't want to slander anyone ) shastri hits it to this guy and looks for a
single...this guy gets the ball in and says "if you leave the crease
i'll break your f***ing head" Shastri: "if you could bat as well as you
can talk you wouldn't be the f***ing 12th man"
13. Malcolm Marshall was bowling to David Boon who had played
and missed a couple of times. Marshall : "Now David, Are you going to get out
now or am I going to have to bowl around the wicket and kill you?"
14. Fred Trueman bowling. The batsman edges and the ball goes
to first slip,and right between Raman Subba Row's legs. Fred doesn't say a
word.
At the end of the over, Row ambles past Trueman and apologises
sheepishly.
"I should've kept my legs together, Fred". "So should your mother" he
replied.
Thursday, June 23, 2005
Don't you just lov'em
This is where I will be storing all those fantastic jokes you love to send to and receive from me
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